Reflection and Intentional Living

bottom line: i've been living a lie.  unknowingly (and more recently, knowingly), i think i'm better than everyone else.  because i'm a good kid.  because i don't drink.  because i don't smoke.  because i go to church.  because i mainly listen to christian music.  because i don't swear or curse.  because i drive the speed limit.  because i'm a coach.  because i give to charity.  because i'm viewed as a perfect person.

but honestly, at the core, i'm not all that.  i'm broken inside.  i don't talk to God often.  i rarely pray.  i rarely follow through on my promises to catch up with a friend.  to catch up with my little siblings.  to send a package in the mail to someone.  i end up doing things at the last second (which makes me stressed out), or late (which makes me feel so guilty and less of a good person).

but i'm learning.  i'm learning how to be a good person.  not through my eyes.  or the eyes of society.  or of the "mennonite circle" i've been growing up in and living in.  but through God's eyes.  God doesn't see me as better or worse than someone else.  He sees me as equal.  why can't i see that in other people?  why am i so judgmental?  why do i think everything should be given to me on a silver platter?

i've never liked the phrase "practice makes perfect."  because no one is or ever will be perfect.  i choose to say "practice makes better."  because no matter how good you are,  you still need to practice.  because you can still get better.  if we could be perfect, professional athletes wouldn't need to practice.  doctors wouldn't need to practice for their surgeries (yep, just stole that from last night's episode of Grey's Anatomy).  personal trainers wouldn't need to get recertified every year.  lifeguards wouldn't need to have refresher courses.  teachers wouldn't have to keep taking classes and going to seminars and conferences to "enhance" their experiences.  and the list goes on and on.

reality: no one is perfect and never will be.  so "practice makes better."  and even more accurately, "disciplined and correct practice makes you better."  so this year is dedicated to doing the little things right...

*pray when i first wake up
*read from the Bible at least 1 time each day
*be intentional in bringing up God with friends, family and coworkers
*take 15 mins of each day to simply do nothing.  as in no music, no tv, no computer, no phone.  just quiet time to refocus and just be.
*to work on relationships: visiting.  calling.  writing.  being.
*to get involved in a church.
*and to daily ask God what He wants of me.  where He wants me.  and what He wants me to do.

please keep me in your prayers as i embark on this journey.  not that i haven't been trying to do these things before, but that God will give me the desire to do these things.  because he commanded them, but more importantly because He first loved me.


A great reminder...

1. When we walk with the Lord
In the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way;
While we do His good will,
He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

(Chorus)

Trust and obey,
For there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus,
But to trust and obey.

2. Not a shadow can rise,
Not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear,
Not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

3. Not a burden we bear,
Not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss,
Not a frown or a cross,
But is blest if we trust and obey.

4. But we never can prove
The delights of His love,
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows,
And the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

5. Then in fellowship sweet
We will sit at His feet,
Or we'll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do;
Where He sends, we will go,
Never fear, only trust and obey.


Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/582#ixzz1jMKk8g9z