I don't have time to write a lot here, but this one thing is for sure-- God is really challenging my commitment to pray more and to spend more time in His word.

Very quickly... I started at my job at the Training Lofte (www.traininglofte.com) on Wed, Feb. 1st.  I was able to sit down with the owner, Jordyn, who basically taught me how to use the computer program to check players and members in, to accept payment and how to schedule/cancel appointments.

Good thing, because on Thursday, when she went in for her doctor checkup (she's having twins in May!), they sent her to the hospital to get some tests done.  Thankfully, nothing wrong.  Long story short, she had to cancel her appointments for a few days.  It is a Godsend that I started when I did!

Now, she was in today again, and the doctor has ordered her on bedrest for the remainder of her pregnancy (not unusual when expecting twins, I've heard).

So I've been praying for her--for safety, for comfort, for relaxation, and for peace.

And I've been praying for me for our clients to be patient and kind towards me as I continue to learn the system and how things work at the Lofte.

Lord, continue to be with Jordyn & her hubby and their two little boys.  Provide healing where needed, comfort in You when needed, and for those little boys to continue growing, knowing that there are so many people praying for their safe and healthy arrivals.  You are God.  You are good.  And we trust in You and Your will.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

Recovery Road, Wk 2

LCBC is doing a series called "Recovery Road." The description: A new year means a fresh start. But why am I already falling behind with strained relationships, financial uncertainties and spiritual struggles? This January, join LCBC as we face these challenges and together step out onto Recovery Road.
-----------------------------------------------
Some of my notes from Week 2

*When we experience pains, burdens, struggles; we have a tendancy to hide it all.  We need to let it "air out in the open" like a bandaid on a wound.

*We will not find healing; we will not find recovery/wholeness until we stop hiding.

Context for this lesson: Galatians 6: 1-3
1) Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.  But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.
2) Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
3) If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.

*Church is a group of people wholly and deeply committed to each other
*We are spiritual together; something formed in a community, not in isolation
*If you are interested in improving your spiritual life, prayer life, etc., don't go get another book, don't go listen to another sermon... get involved in the lives of people.

Person 1: The helper (the person who is "ok" and is doing pretty good in life right now)
*BOLD: we should be bold in our relationships with others
   --If someone is caught in sin (slipping), you should restore him gently and humbly
      ex) It seems like you're struggling, what can I do to help?
   --It's not out of pity; but in humility because you've struggled with it too
   --Not to point something wrong out just because; but because you want them to get fullness out of life.
*INVOLVED: Share each other's burdens... an active, ongoing task.
   --Requires us to become involved; an actual level of involvement that might cost us something (time, money, energy, resources, etc); to sacrifice something.
   --If you go so far as to point out faults but are not willing to help, then don't say anything at all.
   --Getting involved will be messy.  It will mess up your schedule.  It always seems to come at the wrong times, or most inopportune times.
   --We hide behind... "Well it's none of my business..."  or  "I'm too busy to help out..."  or  "Who am I to judge and get involved?"
       *if you think that (above), you are thinking of yourself and not of them.  You are being selfish and you need to know that you are not better than them.

Person 2: The person who needs help (the person who is struggling and needs help)
*OPEN: Need to have an openness to let peole ask about my life.
   --There is a level of relational openness that comes
   --Wise people = open to correction... Foolish people = closed off
*VULNERABLE: to be open; exposed.
   --Only way to have people share our burdens (Galatians 6:2) is to share our burdens.
   --Willingness to put ourselves out there: This is who I am.  This is what I'm struggling with.  This is where I've slipped.  This is what's frustrating me...
   --Being vulnerable is a very scary proposition for many people.  There are 2 forces behind it:
      1) There is an external force at work: Cultural force = society celebrates self-reliance/independence.  This person says "I can handle it.  I don't need help from anyone."  And we are viewed as weak if we ask for help.
     2) There is an internal force at work: Pride = I can handle it.  I got this on my own.  I'm good.
       --Do I really think I'm better than others that I don't need help? (Galatians 6:3)

MYTH
There is a myth out there that says our struggles, slips, burdens are faults and not to be seen by anyone else.  Thus, we have become skilled at putting on a vaneer, a false front to the world.  If we continue living by this myth, there is a path to recovery that we'll never understand.

Closing...
There is real worth and power in being real.  Being vulnerable.  And being open with one another.

Challenge #1
If you are person #1 (BOLD/INVOLVED)...
--Have you been hiding?
--Is there someone you know who is struggling, but you've refused to get involved?
--STOP HIDING!  You'll start the healing for them!

Challenge #2
If yo are person #2 (OPEN/VULNERABLE)...
--Have you isolated yourself?
--Have you closed yourself off and refused to be vulnerable?
--Have you been wearing a vaneer (mask), robbing someone the opportunity to help carry our burden?
--STOP HIDING!  You'll start your healing!

---------------------------------------------

Reflection...

Wow.  This one was a tough one to swallow.  I've made many excuses for not getting into friends' faces for something they've done that violates God's teachings.  I've thought myself as "better" than others; therefore, thinking I don't need anyone's help.  I've put on a vaneer... a mask... so others think I'm ok on the outside, even though I'm struggling on the inside.

But one thing I do know, that I need to be involved in a church and a small group/Bible Study.  I have to be around people who are going to hold me accountable.  Who I can learn off of.  Who I can talk to about my burdens.  Who will let me help them carry their burdens.

Who will allow me to be bold.  Get involved.  Be open.  Be vulnerable.

But I also know I have to be bold, involved, open and vulnerable with myself too.

No more vaneer.  No more mask.

I need to STOP HIDING!

Jesus, help me to be BOLD!

Jesus, help me to be INVOVLED!

Jesus, help me to be OPEN!

Jesus, help me to be VULNERABLE!

Recovery Road, Wk 1

LCBC is doing a series called "Recovery Road."  The description: A new year means a fresh start. But why am I already falling behind with strained relationships, financial uncertainties and spiritual struggles? This January, join LCBC as we face these challenges and together step out onto Recovery Road.
-----------------------------------------------
Some of my notes from Week 1

*God is not surprised by our circumstances... We will have many trials in this life, but God has overcome the world.

*Psalm 119:105-- ("Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path") I will lead you.  I will be your light.  I will be your guide.

*Jesus will lead, but I have to follow.  Why should I follow Jesus?
   -- The cross is proof that Jesus is worthy to be followed.
   -- Mark 14:32, Jesus didn't want to die on the cross: Jesus to God, "Yet not what I will, but what You will."  (aka, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak).

*Question for me (and each of us) is: Will I follow Him?

---------------------------------------------

This has been the question of my life since college.  In college, or shortly after graduation, I realized and finally admitted to myself that I am scared of fully surrendering my life to God.  I like being in control.  I was raised to take care of myself.  And at times, to take care of my brothers.  I was raised to do my chores without complaining or arguing.  I was raised to eat dinner, or to go to bed without.  I've learned how to be self-reliant.  To do things on my own.

So giving up control to God is oh-so-hard.  I know that He's in control.  I know that He has my best intentions at heart.  I know that He only wants the best for me.  And that He wants me to live an abundant life through Him.

So why is it so hard to surrender to Him?  Fully?  Not in just one area of my life right now.  And this area two weeks later.  And then this area 3 months from now, and so on.

Honestly, I'm scared of what He'll ask of me.  Demand of me.  Call me to do.  To sacrifice.  I know God's given each and every one of us different talents and skills, and that's how He'll use us.  And I know He promises that if we completely surrender to Him, we will live happy, fulfilling and abundant lives-- more than we could ever ask of or imagine!

But I still hesitate.

My challenge: Will I follow Him?

Reflection and Intentional Living

bottom line: i've been living a lie.  unknowingly (and more recently, knowingly), i think i'm better than everyone else.  because i'm a good kid.  because i don't drink.  because i don't smoke.  because i go to church.  because i mainly listen to christian music.  because i don't swear or curse.  because i drive the speed limit.  because i'm a coach.  because i give to charity.  because i'm viewed as a perfect person.

but honestly, at the core, i'm not all that.  i'm broken inside.  i don't talk to God often.  i rarely pray.  i rarely follow through on my promises to catch up with a friend.  to catch up with my little siblings.  to send a package in the mail to someone.  i end up doing things at the last second (which makes me stressed out), or late (which makes me feel so guilty and less of a good person).

but i'm learning.  i'm learning how to be a good person.  not through my eyes.  or the eyes of society.  or of the "mennonite circle" i've been growing up in and living in.  but through God's eyes.  God doesn't see me as better or worse than someone else.  He sees me as equal.  why can't i see that in other people?  why am i so judgmental?  why do i think everything should be given to me on a silver platter?

i've never liked the phrase "practice makes perfect."  because no one is or ever will be perfect.  i choose to say "practice makes better."  because no matter how good you are,  you still need to practice.  because you can still get better.  if we could be perfect, professional athletes wouldn't need to practice.  doctors wouldn't need to practice for their surgeries (yep, just stole that from last night's episode of Grey's Anatomy).  personal trainers wouldn't need to get recertified every year.  lifeguards wouldn't need to have refresher courses.  teachers wouldn't have to keep taking classes and going to seminars and conferences to "enhance" their experiences.  and the list goes on and on.

reality: no one is perfect and never will be.  so "practice makes better."  and even more accurately, "disciplined and correct practice makes you better."  so this year is dedicated to doing the little things right...

*pray when i first wake up
*read from the Bible at least 1 time each day
*be intentional in bringing up God with friends, family and coworkers
*take 15 mins of each day to simply do nothing.  as in no music, no tv, no computer, no phone.  just quiet time to refocus and just be.
*to work on relationships: visiting.  calling.  writing.  being.
*to get involved in a church.
*and to daily ask God what He wants of me.  where He wants me.  and what He wants me to do.

please keep me in your prayers as i embark on this journey.  not that i haven't been trying to do these things before, but that God will give me the desire to do these things.  because he commanded them, but more importantly because He first loved me.


A great reminder...

1. When we walk with the Lord
In the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way;
While we do His good will,
He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

(Chorus)

Trust and obey,
For there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus,
But to trust and obey.

2. Not a shadow can rise,
Not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear,
Not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

3. Not a burden we bear,
Not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss,
Not a frown or a cross,
But is blest if we trust and obey.

4. But we never can prove
The delights of His love,
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows,
And the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

5. Then in fellowship sweet
We will sit at His feet,
Or we'll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do;
Where He sends, we will go,
Never fear, only trust and obey.


Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/582#ixzz1jMKk8g9z

Thanksgiving/Christmas

As Saturday approaches, I have bittersweet feelings. Upon learning that Grandma was getting weaker once she stopped taking her chemo treatments, we planned to have Christmas on Dec. 3rd. Usually, Grandma was more energetic and hopeful around the holidays, so we figured she'd make it through then. But God had different plans. Thanksgiving without Grandma was not as much of a "shock" as I know Christmas will be.

Thanksgiving (while valuable in its essence) was a time with family and lots of food. Plenty to be thankful for, yes.

But Christmas was different. Grandma was a HUGE part of Christmas. Before Grandpa died (a few years ago), he would say a wonderful (VERY long) prayer. And he would make chex party mix and fresh fruit salad. When he passed, Grandma took the reigns. Her prayers were not nearly as long (though still special), but the chex mix and fruit salad continued. On top of that, she would also hand out the USA state quarters to us grandkids. She bought us the book and first 5 coins when we turned 13. Then, each successive Christmas, she would give us 5 more coins and some cash. In cute little boxes or mini yellow envelopes with the tiniest bows on them!

The email that went out to everyone attending Christmas on Saturday, had a list of food for people to bring. This is what it looked like:

Chicken Corn Soup: Grandma's freezer
Popcorn: Grandma's cupboard

I must admit, it made me laugh :)

Grandma, we will miss you dearly this Christmas holiday. You always brought a smile, encouragement and love to all. So comforting knowing you are in Heaven, celebrating Jesus' birth with Him and the Father :)

Grandma learning how to play UNO Flash, with help from Mark.

LMH Boys Soccer in State Finals

Congratulations to the Boys Soccer team at my alma mater!  They will be playing for the State Championship on  Friday @ 7pm @ Hershey Park Stadium.  Good luck, Blazers!!!!

Coaching with MSO

Last spring, I had the opportunity to coach with Mennonite Sports Organization (MSO) at LMH.  Mom signed Charity up to play, and I volunteered to coach her team, with Mom as my assistant.  It was a lot of fun!  We had 2 practices, and then 6 weeks of games.  It was quite an experience.  Five and six year olds are not my specialty or preferred age group, but it was fun to see the girls learning and running and having fun with their friends.

This fall, I got a call from the organizers, asking if I would coach all 16 boys that were signed up.  Instead of only having one team of 6 kids (played 3v3), I would have the whole group for an hour. We would learn a new skill, do a drill or two, play a game or two, and finish up with scrimmaging each other.  I asked Brad to help me, since he loves this age group, and we came out for the first day.

Oh man!  Was I in for a surprise!  Five and six year old boys are wound up with energy and competitiveness that surpassed the girls last spring.  It was quite a task to get them to listen and then perform the skills.  Needless to say, I learned a lot from the first day.  Brad and I decided to switch things up a little bit.  The rest of the season went very well!  It was so amazing and special to see each of the boys develop over the course of the 8 weeks.  Some had played before.  Some had not.  One little boy didn't like soccer at all.  And a few of the boys couldn't keep their hands to themselves.  Some liked being on the ground a lot more than on their feet (slide tackling).  And one little boy was so terribly shy on the first day.

This little boy, Seth, was only 4 years old, but told his parents he wanted to play.  He was so shy the first day, that he hid behind his dad the entire session.  The next week, he stayed with his dad again, but this time, his dad had a soccer ball and was trying to kick the ball back and forth with Seth.  Sometimes Seth would participate, sometimes not.  Still, a little bit of progress.  I think only 1 or 2 weeks later, Seth jumped in with the group and stood around and watched curiously as the other boys went about the drills and games.  Before Brad and I knew it, Seth was running around, having fun and even talking a little bit with the other boys.

One of the special things I got to witness was Brad's gentle spirit and prodding of Seth.  Brad would be Seth's buddy when we needed partners and would help him out during our scrimmages.  Seth took an instant liking to Brad, and soon was talking and pulling out his competitive personality.  In only 8 weeks, we saw quiet, shy, uncertain little Seth turn into a confident, energetic, enthusiastic and happy little boy, not afraid to jump into the group!

What a blessing it was to be able to coach these 16 little boys...

1) Getting the boys together to teach them the next drill or game.

2) Doing our cheer at the end of each session: "1... 2... 3... Goooooo Blazers!!!!"  very loudly!

3) Eleven of our 16 boys.  What precious little gifts from God!

Back Row L-R: Matthew, Heaton, Brennan, Will, Sam, Stone
Front Row L-R: Brett, Adonyias, Silas, Timothy, Seth

Corn Maze

Brad and I went to a corn maze on Saturday night. Wow! I forgot how much fun it is! We went to the Amazing Maize Maze at Cherry Crest Farms on 741 (www.cherrycrestfarm.com) and did the flashlight maze. It was Brad's first time and my first time without being with a youth group.

It was a BLAST! We were walking around at first, just meandering along until we found the first mailbox. Then, the fun began. Brad was amazingly good with a sense of direction and being able to read the map pieces we gathered. Me, on the other hand, was confused and couldn't figure it out for the life of me. But for probably the first time in my life, I was okay with that.

Being a natural leader and dominant person, I usually lead the group when I was in high school. Then, when I was a group leader, I was looked to to get us to the right place at the right time and as quickly as possible (had to beat the boys, duh!!). And when you have a group of people, you have many many many different opinions of which way to go. It can be super overwhelming.

Brad was having fun, and naturally leading the way. And for probably the first time since I can even remember, I was actually having fun! I was able to simply enjoy the experience. To not "have" to care where we were or where we were going or where we had already been.

The sheer freedom and realization that I could let go and let Brad lead without any worries in the world was exhilirating. Brad had a great time, with it being a new thing for him. But I think I may have had an even better time.

I think the next step for me now, is to continue learning to let go. And with my New Year's Resolution (I know, it's been forever), the goal should be to "let go and let God." I am terrified to let go. I am so used to being in control. Of making decisions. Of having to "eenie meenie minee mo"-ing it out. Of being the one who has to choose. Of showing confidence when I'm cowering or wavering inside. Of being the strong one. I know I need to let God be that in my life. Maybe Brad is teaching me how to do that.

Let go and let God.

~joyful

In With the New (2011)

Happy New Year!!! Never before have I anticipated and wanted more, the arrival of a fresh start. So, welcome 2011!

It's time for me to get serious about some changes that I've been meaning to do in my personal life. Now is the time...

I've been on a long and arduous journey of lowering my level of self-centeredness and increasing my level of others- and God-centeredness. At Calvary Church this past Sunday, Pastor Beau Eckert (with the help of God's word) put my "new year's resolution" in very simple and concise terms for me:

"He must become greater; I must become less." ~John 3:30

Songs that keep my perspective on the above:
"The Motions" ~Matthew West
"No Matter What" ~Kerrie Roberts
"Our God" ~Chris Tomlin
"I Will Follow" ~Chris Tomlin
"Love Like Crazy" ~Lee Brice

Out with the Old (2010) Part 2

January 1st always overwhelms me when I finally take the time to sit down and reflect on all that has happened during the past year. And I think that's where the problem starts... I don't take the time to reflect enough, throughout the year. Funny how, the thing that the EMU Education department drilled into me for four years, time and again, was to reflect...

Dictionary.com defines reflect as: to think, ponder or meditate.

January/February/March (Harrisonburg, VA)
The beginning of 2010 began as bleak as 2009 ended--in financial hardship, unemployment and many hours reading the Bible, praying and crying out to God for help, guidance and direction. The bright light in being unemployed, was in being able to help out with behind-the-scenes work with SVU, which included being around Nora and her family. I came to an intense appreciation of how much hard work goes into running a soccer club, and how much sacrifice it takes for both work, family and self. Nora was an unending wealth of information... both as a coach, mentor and a thoughtful friend. The four boys were always a pleasure to be around :)

April (Lancaster, PA)
Finally, I was able to land a job... back in my hometown of Pennsylvania. It was nice to move back "home" to the place where I grew up and was away from for far longer than I was yet to realize. I moved in with my two remaining single brothers (Jay & Mark), which has been wonderful... most of the time ;) Coach Doug got me a job with his company, Lancaster Fine Foods (LFF), for which I am eternally grateful.

I quickly learned to know the core workers at LFF, and many of them have become good friends. When asked how I like my new job, I'm always quick to respond that while the work is not always pleasant, the people who work there, make it worthwhile. They are fun, loving, caring and God-seeking people who make the time keep ticking away.

Another highlight was being able to coach Heather and Kristen and the LMH girls soccer team. Got to know many amazingly gifted and caring girls that love God just as much as they love playing for each other on the soccer field! The coaching staff was excellent learning material as well... and a lot of fun to get to know better!

May/June/July
For the third year, I again played with the Lancaster Inferno. I volunteered to help Coach Doug out on the administrative and organizational side of things, which--while at times was stressful and hectic--lent itself to the season running more smoothly and efficiently as possible. I met a bunch of new girls as well, and we had another stellar season! We went 6-1-3 in the regular season (division champs), winning our first-round playoff game before losing to a talented Long Island team in the East Semifinals. Personally, I got some one-on-one GK training, which boosted my spirits and self-confidence, and had a good season overall.

The summer was especially fun as I got to reconnect with my cousins and some long-lost friends. Much of my time was spent running, playing around with the soccer ball, playing soccer somewhere, hanging out at parks, and spending time with family!

Mike & Lauren were married in July with an absolutely gorgeous wedding and celebration! Their wedding couldn't have been any more befitting of the two of them, and it was so much fun welcoming in another sister-in-law!!!! :)

August
Mostly due to the economy (depleted budgets for education), there were little to no job openings in the Health & PE department in either VA or PA in the areas I was primarily looking to teach in. With that being said, I decided to officially transfer my teaching license from VA to PA, but quickly realized I needed to take another standardized test (at Millersville) and pay a ridiculous fee. So that was put on hold as I struggled to make ends meet, while saving up to do so...

For EMU's first week of preseason, I went down to VA to train their GK's. It was fun getting to know 3 more GK's as well as continuing to develop Abby in her 4th year. Crazy how time flies! Got to play some in goal; got chills watching "my" GK's beast it up in drills; and even got some conditioning in by playing on the field. And for the record, I probably witnessed one of Abby's top saves when I returned a few weeks later to catch a game! I'll never forget it!! It was sick. All I've gotta say is, Abby, you've come full circle, and I'm proud to have had the chance to train you the past 4 years. You're an all-star in my book!!!

September/October
Cousin Laura and her boyfriend, Justin, put together a co-ed team at Lanco. It was a very random bunch of people put together, but by far, the most fun I've ever had in indoor! Our team got along so well; gelled so well; and generally enjoyed cheering each other on during the game. We played some good teams and my uncle ran a great streak of scoring in every single game he played in for the session!!! I assisted on one of his goals, late in a game to help keep that streak alive, and have to admit... it was one of THE best feelings in the world! :) A very close second, was when I scored a header-goal off of a Katie Lamm corner kick... sick nasty!!!

October brought many first and very high highs! First off, Soccer Pops Phil bought tickets for me and Katie to watch the Men's National Team (MNT) v Colombia and the Women's National Team (WNT) v China in the Philly Union's new stadium in Chester, PA. Amidst that, a certain boy (Brad) from our Lanco team, invited me to my very first Union game against LA Galaxy!

For that first Union game, it was the first time I had even talked to Brad, other than at our games... and those times consisted of hi, good work out there, good hustle, and bye. When I met them at Target, it was me, Brad, his brother and his dad. We literally talked the whole way to the game! Well, to be honest, "I" talked most of the time :) But we had a BLAST!

Then, not even a week later, Brad texted me again and asked if I wanted to go to the Union's last home game of the season... uhhh, YES!!! Now, mind you... when all 4 of these games came about and I was asked to go (MNT, WNT and Union), I simply and quickly said yes, pertaining to the fact that they were high level soccer games. I'm a soccer fan, so it was a no-brainer. Looking back, the Union games--while not official dates--were probably pretty close to it ;) The second Union game involved, me, Brad and his parents. Another absolutely fun time!

Pretty much after that, it's history... Brad and I texted back and forth a bit (ahem!), and on October 25th, we officially began dating!

November/December
It's been an incredible 2 months with Brad! Simply put, he's been a true God-send. And I very much enjoy getting to know him better each day!

I've had a chance to hang out with him and his family quite a lot, so the holidays were more fun than nerve-racking :) Good food. Good company. Quality family and good times!

It was fun having my family meet him as well! While a bit overwhelming for him (my mom's side is HUGE), he did super well and we enjoyed our holidays together!

Reflection
As I look back on the past year, it's definitely had really low lows and very high highs. But one thing that has been constant throughout, is the love of God. God was with me when I was digging in the dirt beneath rock bottom. And was and is with me now that things are beginning to look up. Never before have I felt the true humbleness of charity from loving friends and family. Never before have I felt God's love surrounding me in my times of sorrow, dread and seemingly hopelessness. Never before have I truly felt so at-home and yet so out-of-place, and vice versa. Never before have a I truly felt the need to rely on God and His word to get me through the dark times. But yet, never before have I felt such joy and victory in trusting in His timing and provisions.

A few songs that carried me through this year:
"While I'm Waiting" ~John Waller
"What Faith Can Do" ~Kutless
"Come to the Cross" Michael W Smith
"Blessed" ~Martina McBride
"Dare You to Move" ~Switchfoot
"Revelation Song" ~Phillips Craig & Dean
"What If His People Prayed" ~Casting Crowns
"Your Grace is Enough" ~Chris Tomlin
"Born Again" ~Third Day
"Praise You in the Storm" ~Casting Crowns
"You Never Let Go" ~Matt Redman

So long, 2010. It's been real. It's been fun. But it ain't been real fun...

Out with the Old (2010) Part 1

i haven't had the time to sit down and think about and reflect over the past year. it's been go, go, go with work and trying to save enough money to transfer my teaching license from VA to PA. another time-consumer--albeit, a GREAT one, is my new boyfriend, Brad :)

guess today is a good time to start reflecting. maybe set a new years resolution or something of the sort. not good at keeping them, but like to have something in the back of my mind as the days pass here on earth. maybe this would be a year to start strengthening my self-discipline and lessening my self-centeredness.

more thoughts later....

Perseverence

wow. never imagined it would be this hard to chase my dream of playing professional soccer. i've been jobless since last june (last day of school); but without income since september. coaching soccer and working for SVU more and more has helped ease things a bit, but the bills are piling up and things are getting tight.

just wasn't expecting it to be this hard. never had to "technically" go out and find a job before. all previous jobs were very informal interviews, if there was even an interview at all. even my teaching job at Page, i knew so many people in the process, it was natural and comfortable and "easy." now i'm out in the "real world" looking for a job without any networking connections to ease the way for me.

there have been a few people who have really stepped up big-time in helping me out so far... whether emotionally, financially, or by making me food :) to you, i am so grateful! i will never be able to repay you for your kindness and generosity.

not gonna lie, things are very tight right now. and on top of it all, i've gotta decide what i'm doing after march 31, when my lease runs out in VA. do i stay? do i go to PA? do i play soccer this summer? do i coach at summer camps instead all summer? do i find a teaching job for the fall/spring?

to make things harder, i'm really, really enjoying my time within the coaching realm of things in VA. i LOVE the club. i'm just beginning to train the jmu gk's, which is what i primarily want to do-- train gk's. but i REALLY miss my family and friends up in PA.

Lord, give me guidance, discernment, wisdom and direction...

Tryouts in Philly

A day or two after my MRI results, Katie and I learned of the tryouts in Philly beginning of December. Of course, we signed up and went.

Going into the first session, I was nervous-- not for how well I'd do, but as to whether my knee would be an issue. After about 5-10 mins, I realized I had nothing to worry about... the knee was pain-free and moving beautifully! As the two days went on, I gained more and more confidence and was excited to be out playing again!

There were 9 goalkeepers there, making the competition quite stiff. Only thing I could tell, was that my touch was slightly off and I was sitting on my heels a little more than normal... due to my 2.5 month knee injury. No worries though, it was so much fun!!

Let me just say that it was the most organized and fun tryout, or practice, or summer soccer camp that I've ever been a part of! Variety, challenging, engaging, and invigorating. Each and every one of the Philly Independence staff was friendly, curteous, honest and open.

Didn't get the call-back for tryouts in January, but couldn't really expect much having not been at 100% total competition level.

I'll be working up to Freedom's tryouts in February!

MRI results

MRI results came back November 20th. GREAT news!! Come to find out, I tore my PCL (posterior cruciate ligament), which does the exact opposite of the ACL. If you're gonna tear one of them, the PCL is the one to tear (as athletes are very aware).

So, my options at that time were to play with a knee brace or get surgery. Knee brace = I can play! Surgery = set back at least 6 months.

I opted for the knee brace.... Not enough time to get one before tryouts in Philly beginning of December, so went to tryouts hoping the knee was strong enough and showed well...

MRI for the knee on Friday at 11am...

Life moves on...

It's been a few weeks since I last wrote from Florida. I'm not gonna lie...it's been a rough, low, and depressing two weeks since. Not being able to run or participate in practices at EMU or with my U18 girls has been rough.

On top of all that, I haven't been able to substitute yet, so with worries about how the bills will be paid and with so much time on my hands, it's been rough. And my #1 strategy for relieving stress is to go out and kick the soccer ball really hard many times, or to simply go out and play soccer. Oh wait, can't do it. Grr.

So, I finally got myself in gear and started concentrating on what I can do. I can get my cardio from the stationary bike and/or elliptical, and I can still do all but 1-2 lifting machines. So, I finally got back at this past Wed. and it felt so good to be able to lift and workout again. It's still weird to just go straight into my workout without a few laps around the track, but since I can't run or do anything jarring on my right knee, I have to improvise a little.

My Dr's appt isn't for another 2.5 weeks, so I'm just going to keep working out and building up my muscle and not worry about the knee for now. I'll go to my Dr's appt and see what his diagnosis may be, and then I'll take it a step at a time. No use worrying now about possibilities that might not even happen.

Though 99% of the time I listen to it, Christian music and my journey of reading through the Bible (in roughly a year-ish) have helped me through this rough time tremendously. Songs of hope, comfort and just getting me to think about things with a different perspective--God's perspective--have been good.

Currently, I'm almost through 2 Samuel, so I've been following the life of King David. Just learning about how he gives every question, every decision, and every thought to God for His solution or "plan of action" helps me to do the same. I'm just glad I'm not going to war every few years ; )

Favorite songs right now:
"City on Our Knees" Toby Mac
"While I'm Waiting" John Waller
"Born Again" Third Day
"Lifesong" Casting Crowns
"Until the Whole World Hears" Casting Crowns

What an experience!

Even though the combine wasn't what I had hoped for soccer-wise, I had a great time meeting so many other girls with the same dream, desire, passion and determination to hopefully be drafted this coming January into the WPS!

$400 got us:
1) a hotel suite--2 rooms, 4 big beds, kitchen, living room, 2 baths, small porch, and plenty of room--for a few days
2) 3 meals a day
3) and training gear--tshirt, 2 shorts, 2 socks, two jerseys, and a small pack sack, all sponsored by Umbro
4) and some unbelievable and unforgettable experiences!

The girls played so well amidst the heat and humidity. 3, 70-mins games in less than 60 hours is hard in itself, but these girls gave it their all, to impress the WPS coaches on hand. All the girls played well, and left nothing behind.

As for me, I'm going to get my knee checked out in VA, get an MRI and make decisions as they come. I'm hoping to be ready to go for December's invite-only WPS combine. Even if that doesn't pan out, there's always open tryouts with each team, and then there are still options beyond that. I'm trying to trust God's timing and plan in all this, though it is disappointing and disheartening.

A special thanks to you all for your encouraging messages, unending support, and prayers. They mean so much to me and have helped me as I cope with my knee injury...

Later : )

Not what I was hoping for...

well, i tried to give it a go today--through our first session and our first game. didn't go so well. i can't push off to my right. i can't get power to my right side, and it's limited on my left side. i'm not even gonna attempt coming out on breakaways (thank goodness i had none today).

i went up for a ball served from a corner kick that, at 100% ability, i would have caught cleanly. tried to punch it and totally whiffed. now, usually, this would have caused me great disappointment and frustration... however, more alarming was that i didn't get the power to get off the ground like i had prepared for (bent down, loaded the quads, etc.)... Grrr.

so, Sat morning, i'll have to tell the combine directors that i'm done for the weekend. i'll sit on the sideline and cheer on my teammates--and katie, who's on the other team tomorrow :) luckily, there are 7 GKs for 6 teams... so now all GKs will get to play full games.

good night, tampa...

First session down...

Hey all,

Well, it's been fun meeting a lot of the girls. Some were at the Freedom tryouts this past Feb, so it's been great catching up and seeing what we've all been up to! There are a few girls here from the Hampton Roads Piranhas that I was gonna play with at the beginning of the summer, so it's good to see them again!

First session this morning, we were divided up into our 6 teams. We warmed-up on our own, did some passing, tight possession (two 8ydsx8yds grids), and then ended with a few shooting drills. Nothing hard since the girls will be playing basically all 70 mins in our 3 games this weekend. Each team has 1-2 subs, and there are 7 GKs.

Right knee is okay. Did okay during straight-on shooting. Hurt when I pivoted on it on a crossing play. I've been icing and keeping a compression sleeve on it, so I hope it continues to hold up. The pain is a dull pain all the time; more so when I pass with my right foot (can't take goal kicks), and when I pivot. Can't really push off it either to my right side, but I'm managing.

Saw and said hi to Jim Gabarra (Washington Freedom coach) and introduced myself to Tony DiCicco (Boston Breakers coach). Saw Abner Rogers (LA SOL coach) yesterday...

We play a match this afternoon at 2:30pm, Sat at 5:30pm, and Sunday at 11am.

Thank you for all your support and prayers. I need them...

Less than 36 hours til Florida!!! :D

Hello all!

I have very mixed emotions as the first session approaches at 9am Friday morning. While I am still overly excited for this opportunity and the chance to show the WPS coaches my skills and talent, I've had a slight setback...

Sunday night, I was playing pick-up soccer in Luray with my awesome Page & Luray kids when I blocked a cross-attempt (playing field) and landed on my knee before rolling. Now, ordinarily, I would have been fine, but let me set the scene... 1) playing on rock-solid ground (very dry and dusty); and 2) when I blocked the ball, I was at a full sprint. So when I hit, I hit HARD!

Right away, all I could feel was the superficial impact of hitting the rock-solid ground. That's all that hurt. And it was numb for at least 5 straight mins before it began to simmer down a little. Of course, once I got up and walked off the field, I put an ice pack on it. Not until a few hours later, when I got outta my car and was home and getting situated in bed to ice it more, did I realize that the superficial purple bruising was not hurting anymore. But now I couldn't twist my knee without feeling some pain inside my knee = UH OH!!! I know from watching others go through knee injuries that THAT feeling is NOT what I wanted... especially this close to tryouts.

After having Mike and Carleen look at it the past two days in the training room at EMU (thanks you two!!!), my knee is doing well. It's solid, the swelling is slowly going down and most of the problem just seems to be a pateller contusion (bruise). However, today, when Carleen tested out my MCL, I winced in pain. I'm getting it "rehabbed" tomorrow yet, and it'll be what it is for Friday-Sunday.

I'm just hoping and praying that nothing weird happens during the course of the tryouts--examples: twisting it awkwardly, sliding out for a ball and colliding with a player, etc.

At this point, I'm realizing that I just have to put it all in God's hands. All I can humanly do, is to play to the best of my abilities and let the rest up to God and His plans for my life. He's given me this talent and has given me this incredible, unbelievable opportunity, and I'm just gonna go out there and give it my all! Florida won't know what hit it!!!

Wed: driving up to PA.
Thurs: Flying out of Philly at 9:50am; landing in Tampa, FL/hotel/meetings in evening.
Fri: team training (9-10:30am); match play--3 games (2:30-7pm); meeting
Sat: GK training (8:30-9:30am); meeting with WPS coaches; match play--3 games (2:30-7pm); meeting
Sun: match play--3 games (8am-12:30pm); depart from Tampa at 6:30pm; switch planes in Atlanta; arrive in Philly 12midnight
Mon: visit Mom's and Dad's; drive down to VA

Some songs that have been motivating me:
/Hit me with your best shot/ ~Pat Bataner

/I can feel the pressure coming down on me / people say that im not destined to suceed / but i have the faith i need to carry on / and i will find the strength in me to prove them wrong / it isnt for the thrill / it isnt for the prize / its all about a fight to stay alive / knowing that the dream can survive // when you're out there on the edge / and the odds you face are life and death / you've got to have the heart of a champion / when your time is running out / and everybody sees youre going down / you've got to have a heart of a champion / when your back's against the wall / and your rival thinks your gonna fall / you've got to have a heart of a champion// ~Carman

/I, I am small but / You, You are big enough / I, I am weak but / You, You are strong enough to // Take my dreams / Come and give them wings / Lord with You / There`s nothing I cannot do / Nothing I cannot do// ~Britt Nicole

/I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow / And each road leads you where you want to go / And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose / I hope you choose the one that means the most to you / And if one door opens to another door closed / I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window / If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile // But more than anything, more than anything / My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to / Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small / You never need to carry more than you can hold / And while you're out there getting where you're getting to / I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too / Yeah, this, is my wish// ~Rascal Flatts

/This is ten percent luck / twenty percent skill / fifteen percent concentrated power of will / five percent pleasure / fifty percent pain / and a hundred percent reason to remember the name/ ~Fort Minor

Thanks for all the prayers, support, encouragement and everything else!!! WPS coaches, HERE I COME!!!!! :D